Stunned

Well, it's finally happened. I learned something so awful that I've lost all faith in humanity. Like, on a personal level I mean. I just learned that a girl that, for one reason or another, I couldn't get out of my mind, has married (best I can perceive) a redneck. I'm floored. I mean, don't get me wrong..I haven't seen this chick in like, 11 years..but still. It's just surprising for me. I always thought of her as a tier above most chicks, and for her to end up married to some redneck (with an amazingly redneck name. It's alliterative, for christ sakes. Like Ricky Ray. And of course this guy has to look like a troglodyte...I'm no looker or anything by any stretch of the imagination man. I'm actually quite hidious and ugly. But goddamn. This motherfucker is looks like a caveman. But I'm one fugly son-of-a-bitch, so who am I to judge, right?

I dunno, I just feel floored. Again, I haven't laid eyes on this girl for a long time..but for one reason or another I just couldn't get her out of my mind. Like, at different points my thoughts always went back to her for some reason. I didn't even really know her all that well or anyting, I never got the chance to know her or really be her friend or anything..but I had a few interactions with her and I just..well, she always stayed in my mind. There was just something about her that stood out as memorable to me, some quality she posessed that made her memorable to me in a way that most other people did not. I have no idea why.

I dunno, I just kinda hoped that whoever she ended up with..well..wasn't some redneck. I mean, I hope the best for them and hope she's nothing but happy and stuff..but geez, it's just such a let down. I feel...deflated. Let down. Bummed that life would end up being so mediocre to someone who, for some reason I can't fathom but I just feel in the bottoms of my soul, I just *know* deserves better. It's kinda disheartening actually. I feel let down enough by life in general, I surely didn't want something like this to happen.

My head's kinda spinning actually. I feel, I dunno, dazed. Stunned. Yeah, I think stunned is a good word for it. Wow. I mean, my life isn't all that good, who who the hell am I to judge anything. It's clear that there's some good things going on for her, so I should just shut my mouth and be quiet. Whatever weird shit's gone on in my mind is just that, weird shit coming out of my amazingly strange mind. So yeah, it's all on me, I'm the fucked up one, and I'll resume my sad, pathetic existence now.